First off Happy Thanksgiving to all who celebrate! Hope you had a very food filled day! I was in charge of cooking the whole meal today, it exhausted me. And family was exhausting too. My family can always be exhausting with all their opinions, and complaining.
Anyways on to the blog post. (Probably gonna be a long post). About a week ago I went through the hardest break up I’ve ever been through. I never knew I could hurt like this. It felt like my chest was cut open with a dull knife and my heart was cut out and thrown on the ground and stomped into a million pieces. I cried so much, and I’m still crying. It was really sudden, something I wasn’t expecting at all.
I met this man two years ago online. What was interesting is when I saw his picture I knew he was a Christian. Don’t know how I just did. And looking through the rest I knew he was a Youth Leader. Probably all God’s doing. To my surprise I was right! And from there on we hit it off. He was my bear and I was his princess. The only problem was he lived in Canada and I live in California. So texting and Skype it was for us! He is such a great man, I couldn’t believe God has put him in my life. And during this past year I kept thinking to myself that this was or is the man I would marry or I could marry him. He made me feel like a princess and was always there to rescue me when I had fallen.
We talked on and off due to life and our schedules and because I made the stupid decisions of seeing other guys. (Don’t judge long distance is hard). And we had no set guidelines to what we were. I still felt guilty when I did these things.
I’ve always had problems with love ever since high school. And at the beginning of our relationship I fell hard for him. And the more I got to know him the more and more I fell in love with him. He would tell me his flaws and I would only smile and not care because there was nothing that he could do to make me stop loving him.
That is until last week…he broke up with me after a stupid fight, all over something I said about myself. The next morning after the fight he sent a long message explaining something and then another little one apologizing. Me being half awake and not aware of what I was doing sent him an angst y text and when I awoke and hour later I was met with “Good bye Lauren”. And there went my whole world. I was met with him blocking my number and an unfriend on Facebook. I have never cried that much in my life. I hated myself I had lost my only friend (he was the only friend I had, no joke) and my love and mostly my bear.
After reaching the point where I wouldn’t be crying every five minutes I looked back at the last text. He’s never done anything like this. It was like I didn’t even know this person anymore. Where was my bear? My sweet sweet bear. I’ve felt like a piece of me is gone and I want nothing to do with any straight man who talks to me.
I’ve apologized to him a few days later, but I’m still deeply hurt by all that had happened.
And its brought on the question. “Why does God take away the things we love” I know that in Job it states ‘The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.” But why does it have to hurt so much. Why did God have to take away the one thing that made me happy and my only friend.
Last night at Thanksgiving Eve service at church this thought came up. When we are empty God fills us up. When we face rejection we should turn to Him and seek Him like never before. I know exciting things are ahead for me but why is this apart of it? Over a week later and I’m still crying myself to sleep at night. I don’t know the answer to these questions but I can say that everything God does has a purpose and we may never know what or why things happen but God does.
I have a feeling God is making a way for something and is just removing things that are distracting.
If you have any comments or questions please feel free to contact me! I wold love to hear from you!
May God Bless you!