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Haiti!

Wow its been a while! I would’ve posted sooner but life and work got the best of me! But I’m back!

This past January 20-30 I was in Haiti! Its still hard to believe that I actually went. But my time there was well spent and absolutely incredible. I’ve always wanted to leave the US and to travel the world but I never thought that this would be my first stop. I put a link at the bottom of the page to a video of me speaking about my time in Haiti at my churches Missions banquet, check it out!

I was terrified when we left for the airport, the last time I’d been on one was when I was still in elementary school.  So getting on a plane with a bunch of people I’d never met before was terrifying. But by the grace of God we made it safely!

We worked with Mission of Grace in Carries Haiti. They are a wondering organization run by the amazing Mrs. Lynn. She is such an incredible woman, whom I hope to be like some day. She’s full of God’s love and grace and shes a spitfire when it comes to running things and her personality, as well as a loving and welcoming person.

My favorite part of the trip had to be working with the children in the orphanage. They were so loving and all they wanted to do was to sit in your lap and have you hold them. At one point I had four kids on me at once. I love kids, they are my passion and a gift from God. I truly believe that children are my calling in life. They bring me so much joy and happiness.

One amazing thing that happened in Haiti, was God confirmed with me my calling in life. In the beginning of January  I went to Gleanings For the Hungry ,(The organization I went to Haiti with) to volunteer for the week. It was there that I received my call to go into missions and to be on staff at Gleanings . I was excited and happy but at the same time I questioned it. Was this really it? Who’s gonna support me? All these questions came to mind, but the one calming thought was ‘I get to quit my job’ It was probably the best thought ever. So one morning in Haiti I was laying in my bed looking at the ceiling and my roommate Margret asked, “Lauren do you feel as if you’re being called into missions?” And I answered her, ‘Yeah I do, why do you ask?’ And she said “I had a feeling you were”. And at this moment I knew it was God speaking through her confirming that this is what I’m supposed to do, this was my calling that I’d been looking for for 21 years.

So to recap it was amazing to be able to go and experience Haiti. I had the time of my life and I can’t wait to go back again. And I can’t wait to get into missions and see what God has next!

Link to the video of me speaking at my missions banquet:https://youtu.be/yIhRBwGm88M

If you have any questions or want to know more please feel free to contact me! I am more than happy to answer any of your questions!

May God Bless you!

Lauren IMG_6534

 

 

Thoughts For An Upcoming Trip

I am going on my first missions trip! Well….the first one out of the country. So I guess you can say a “real”missions trip. I am joining one of my favorite organizations and the place I call home Gleanings for the Hungry, also a YWAM base and teaming up with Mission of Grace and traveling to Haiti! I am beyond excited for this trip. Even though I will be the youngest going, the person who’s closest in age to me is 34. This should be interesting.

With this excitement comes a lot of fear. I have never been out of the country in all my 21 years of living. And this will be the furthest I have ever been from the safety of my home, but this wont be the longest I’ve been away from home.

This summer I was honored with being on Gleanings for the Hungry’s Summer Staff program. I lived at the base for six weeks while helping to run their peach processing plant. Gleanings during the summer takes peaches and process and dries them at their base in Dinuba, CA. I wish I could explain it further but this place is too amazing for words! I will provide links to their website at the end of this post. Seriously check them out!

Anyways..back to fears. I am also getting a variety of shots this upcoming Wednesday. I am due to 5 shots. Yes 5 shots and anti-Malaria medication that I might have to take (mosquitoes love me -_-). So that should be fun. Hoping there are no side affects as I have a youth outing that night as well as out Small Group Leader.

Also I’m worried for my passport coming in on time. I did expedite it but I’m still nervous it won’t be here by the time I leave. I’m also worried about our team. Most of the team is…well…old. Not like the parents are “old” type but some of these people were born a VERY long time ago.

But with this fear comes excitement when the Lord calls he knows what he’s doing!

May God Bless you all and Happy Holidays and a Merry Christmas!

Lauren

http://gleanings.org/

http://www.missionofgracehaiti.org/

 

 

Why Am I Still Crying

Why am I still crying?

It’s been weeks, we haven’t talked

I thought I  could handle this but then I broke,

One thought of you and my mind floods with thoughts and tears, spilling down my cheeks into my pillow.

I thought I was strong, thought I could take it.

You left without a word, taking my world and love with you

Not looking back at the damage you caused

Leaving me stranded in the middle of a war of thoughts,

what did I do wrong? Is this my fault? Is this your fault?

Didn’t any of this mean something to you?

I loved you, so.

 

Why God takes away things we love

First off Happy Thanksgiving to all who celebrate! Hope you had a very food filled day! I was in charge of cooking the whole meal today, it exhausted me. And family was exhausting too. My family can always be exhausting with all their opinions, and complaining.

Anyways on to the blog post. (Probably gonna be a long post). About a week ago I went through the hardest break up I’ve ever been through. I never knew I could hurt like this. It felt like my chest was cut open with a dull knife and my heart was cut out and thrown on the ground and stomped into a million pieces. I cried so much, and I’m still crying. It was really sudden, something I wasn’t expecting at all.

I met this man two years ago online. What was interesting is when I saw his picture I knew he was a Christian. Don’t know how I just did. And looking through the rest I knew he was a Youth Leader. Probably all God’s doing. To my surprise I was right! And from there on we hit it off. He was my bear and I was his princess. The only problem was he lived in Canada and I live in California. So texting and Skype it was for us! He is such a great man, I couldn’t believe God has put him in my life. And during this past year I kept thinking to myself that this was or is the man I would marry or I could marry him. He made me feel like a princess and was always there to rescue me when I had fallen.

We talked on and off due to life and our schedules and because I made the stupid decisions of seeing other guys. (Don’t judge long distance is hard). And we had no set guidelines to what we were. I still felt guilty when I did these things.

I’ve always had problems with love ever since high school. And at the beginning of our relationship I fell hard for him. And the more I got to know him the more and more I fell in love with him. He would tell me his flaws and I would only smile and not care because there was nothing that he could do to make me stop loving him.

That is until last week…he broke up with me after a stupid fight, all over something I said about myself. The next morning after the fight he sent a long message explaining something and then another little one apologizing. Me being half awake and not aware of what I was doing sent him an angst y text and when I awoke and hour later I was met with “Good bye Lauren”. And there went my whole world. I was met with him blocking my number and an unfriend on Facebook. I have never cried that much in my life.  I hated myself I had lost my only friend (he was the only friend I had, no joke) and my love and mostly my bear.

After reaching the point where I wouldn’t be crying every five minutes I looked back at the last text. He’s never done anything like this. It was like I didn’t even know this person anymore. Where was my bear? My sweet sweet bear. I’ve felt like a piece of me is gone and I want nothing to do with any straight man who talks to me.

I’ve apologized to him a few days later, but I’m still deeply hurt by all that had happened.

And its brought on the question. “Why does God take away the things we love”  I know that in Job it states ‘The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.” But why does it have to hurt so much. Why did God have to take away the one thing that made me happy and my only friend.

Last night at Thanksgiving Eve service at church this thought came up. When we are empty God fills us up. When we face rejection we should turn to Him and seek Him like never before. I know exciting things are ahead for me but why is this apart of it? Over a week later and I’m still crying myself to sleep at night. I don’t know the answer to these questions but I can say that everything God does has a purpose and we may never know what or why things happen but God does.

I have a feeling God is making a way for something and is just removing things that are distracting.

If you have any comments or questions please feel free to contact me! I wold love to hear from you!

May God Bless you!

 

 

My Thoughts on Change(s)

I’ve never been much for change. Don’t get me wrong change is good but I just don’t handle it well for some reason. It stresses me out and gives me anxiety.

I can handle change that I bring on or want, but not when I can’t control it. I get scared when I can’t control things. Big changes have been happening around me and I just can’t seem to handle them well enough or I just can’t adjust fast enough for the people around me. And that in turn stresses me out.

I think the worst thing is when people come up to me and tell me “Oh you’re in your twenties everything changes” or something along the lines with that. It honestly makes me wanna go cry in a corner. That’s not something you should tell a person who doesn’t like change!!! It just makes us stress more. For me change is the worst part of my twenties, I know I’m only twenty-one but still I don’t know what lies ahead and I know that when 2017 rolls around a lot is gonna change.

But out of all of this fear I know that God will bring me through it and he knows whats going on. Sometimes thinking about that helps and then other times it just doesn’t help at all. It can be hard to lean on God sometimes when we want to do things our way and not His.

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;I will be exalted among the nations,I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46:10

First blog post and Welcome!

Why I started a blog

Hello! I’m glad you’ve found this post and my blog!

I started this blog because there are a lot of changes going on in my life. Between school, work, church, my personal life and my relationship with God it just all got to be too much. I developed horrible anxiety from work and school and it was recommended that I  write down whats going on, get whats in my head out of my head.

I started a blog for it because of things that I’ve gone through a lot and I’ve kept my testimony a secret. I was afraid that if I told it, I would become it. Like people would see me as the things I’ve gone through and not the person I really am. This summer during a missions trip to an amazing place called Gleanings for the Hungry (seriously this place is awesome), I told a quick 10 minute devotional-type testimony to the volunteer groups that were there for the week, including my churches. I was so shocked and surprised at the overwhelming support and love that they showed me and how I was still the same person that I was before they knew what I had gone through.

I’ve always wanted to help anyone I could that had or was going through the same things that I have gone through and a blog on the internet could go farther then me telling it on person.

Anyways, I hope this blog finds you well and I hope that you follow this exciting journey! I will talk more about my story and what I’ve gone through soon, its just hard trying to find the words to out it all together!

God bless,

Lauren